The good jack

My mother always said, and society reiterated, "it is undesirable to be a jack of all trades, but a king of none." While I do not dispute the inherent desirability of being a king of one occupation/hobby/whatever it may be, I do seem to have a bit of a problem, accepting the undesirability of being a jackk of all trades. Indeed I believe that not only is it desirable, it is in fact a necessity in becoming the king of one, should you so desire. How else can you tell whether you like that one thing more than the others when you have no idea, or at least a working knowledge of the others? Would you in earnestness be doing justice to your so chosen occupation by not knowing what lies beyond the fence?

This seems to have hit me out of the blue, however some deliberation in the course of writing this has led me to believe that it does not stem from career uncertainty as one is want to presume in someone my age, it actually is on account of a more daily affair. I'll tell you a truth or at least what society would have me believe is a truth, I Ayush Mohan do not possess enough in depth knowledge on any one subject to provide an authoritative argument for or against it. I say society, please pardon me I mean only those closest to me although my haters too hold this opinion. It was such today that one person really close to me indicated this albeit indirectly, perhaps it is me reading too much into it however I felt it and thus also felt the need to deliberate on it.

On the point of music, no doubt some might even call me tone deaf, but trust me as much as you would like to believe it, my lack of affinity for one genre/band/artist/period or whatever myriad boundaries you may draw is NOT a decoy for hiding my ignorance on the subject. It is just the plain and simple truth, I DO appreciate and like music across all genres periods and artists, and refuse to conform to those stupid lines drawn in the minds of the truly naive, I proudly proclaim here I AM a jack of all music (not meaning to say I've heard all but I have heard a fairly broad spectrum) and I am supremely proud of it. Really world, I do believe I shall be able to at least defend my likes and strong dislikes in the subject, what I won't be able to do however is say I like all music of one particular classification simply because it belongs to it, nor will I be able to go into the niceties of music, I am not an expert and never professed to be, but I will be able to hold my own.

On the point of literature and thinkers or schools of thought, I admit I have not read all and thus will not make a compelling argument from all points of view on all matters under the sun, I will however be able to tell you about what I know of what I've read, here too I am a jack and proud of it. Being a jack here has at least enabled me to remain open to other viewpoints much more than what I can say of my individually distinguished and honestly rather puritan colleagues. 

I could go on listing things here, it would be redundant suffice to say however I am a rather prolific jack being not really picky in what I develop an interest in and msot definitely not judging others for their interests or passions, however at one particular hater I would as an example of the unpleasantness of judging like to point out that "peace" ceased to be an acceptable form of ending a conversation without any relation to peace in any form, back in the 60s a time you aspire to no doubt however a time you most definitely do not belong to despite your musical loyalties and tastes, and really whiling your youth in pubs is NOT going to put you in that period. See, judging isn't very nice and glass houses are places we all live in.

Moral of the story: Be open boys and girls, trust me it feels good :)

(hate the abruptness but this pain in my chest is now getting too much to ignore :) )

Kya fark padta hai

Kya fark padta hai?

Jo maine itne din laga diye tum ko chahne main?

Kya fark padta hai

Jo humne khud ko bhula diya tumhari chahat main?

Humein koi chand nahin chahiye tha

Na samundar ko peena tha

Humein bus tumhari chahat thi

Mann main bass tumhari muskurahat thi

Humne bas yehi chaha tha ki tum humein dekho

Socho samjho aur parkho,

Kash ki tumhein fark padta ki hum dukhi hain

Kash ki tum humare dil main jhaank sakti ki hum kyun gumsum hain

Kash ki tum samajh pati us nagme ko

Jise humnein likha tumhein jaanne ko

Kash ki tum khyal rakhti humara

Jaise koshish karta hia yeh dil awara

Kash ki tum yeh bhool na jati ki humein bhi chot hai

Kash ki tum yeh yaad rakh kuch aur pyar se masalti humari is ghaw ko

Kash ki tum samajh pati humare is dil ko

Wakayee kya fark padta hai ki tum aisi na ho?

Humnein toh tumhein chahe bas jaisi tum ho

Magar afsos zaroor hota hai humein ki tum itni berehem kaise hui

Kya humnein behkaya aise komal mann ko?

Gs

Goli/Dirty Sally

Logged into blog-home page-thing saw Aqseer had put up a post about riding her bike Juno and I thought why not me? Why haven't I put something like that up I mean I have a picture of her on my page so why not a post?

If you haven't seen the pic, I'll tell you she's a Electra 5S Bullet, (Royal Enfield if you MUST know). Black, or as the dealer calls it "magic black" (basicallly looks deep green when the sun shines on it) I'll make no bones in telling you I wanted her in olive green. BUT I still adore her :)

My relationship with my bike is not romantic. I do not expect her to take me to fabled lands nor do I consider it necessary to remember trifling details like the date when I got her. (either that, or that is one hell of a good excuse for not remembering :P).

Very simply put I  love her more than I have loved any material possession (oh yes i did, not romantic clearly)I've ever had there is really no time that the she's far from my mind, even now the last day of the trim when I have to leave her I feel the same anxiety I felt the first time I left her. And when I see her when I get back or after she's gotten serviced my heart still feels nervous like meeting a girl for the first time or after a VERY long time. I do SO adore her.

The Nomenclature

 My relationship with her has been nothing less than any full time relationship I've had with any girl I have ever seen in my life. We love AND hate each other :) Been in love? You know what I'm talking about :P. So it was obvious if she have a name it be female, hoever I didn't know this within the first few days of hgetting her so had to go for something more gender neutral decided for the more apt and actually uninventive but surprisingly uncommon "goli" simply because goli is a literal translation for bullet and I insist on naming desi style (heck my car was called gaadi baba). SO for the first year and a half she remained goli.

However one day I had an epiphany. I realised the whole point about love-hate clearly female thing (in re above) [apologies to all "hardcore" bikers that take offence to my calling her female over and over again but its simply to drive the point that I am NOT riding a male thank you very much, since I'm apologising already lets apologies to any women that take offence no neither riding nor the bullet are sole male domains in FACT nothing turns me on more than a woman with a bike ESPECIALLY a bullet (God that woman in the RE commercials witht he piercings wearing the sneakers is still hot enough to make others and I mean ALL other look like junk compared to her and keep me staring, Lady if you're out there MAIL me and if ayone knows who she is please tell me, sorry back to the point] and decided she needed to be rechristened and I chose, you guessed it, DIRTY SALLY. It personifies her , she is MY dirty Sally she rides me hard and she rides me dirty and she LOVES it dirty, sometimes I'm confused as to who's riding whom, why Sally? I don't know (it was a bloody epiphany you know).

The Failures

The failures have been quite a few, the latest one was not entirely my fault (or so I like to believe I think Zaheer Bhai's mystery engine oil whose brand he never let me see is also to blame, and yes me too I didnt get the engie oil changed and rode for near 6 months and yes no servicing either (please don't smite me Zeus). Till date I have had one engine failure, this one, and two falls resulting in body damage.

The list of parts changed and work done are as follows:

1) Cylinder barrel

2) Cylinder resurfacing

3) Handlebars

4) Spark Plug

5) Rear Tyre Tube

6) Headlight garnish

7) Ignition key hole thing

8) Denting work on mud guard especially

9) Oil pump cleaning

10) Silencer garnish heat guard thing

11) Right foot rest twice

12) The right side rear footrest is still hanging loose

13)Head light bulb

14) Pilot lights

15) one indicator bulb

16)oil tubing

17) BOTH mirrors

I think that's about it in addition there've been the regular servicing of course.

The Successes

I say this in full consciousness and without any duress.

There. Is. No. Other Bike. I. Would. Ride. In The. World. Right. Now. I Will. Never. Sell. Her. Under. No. Circumstance. (maybe if I'm still hungry after selling my kids, but that's also maybe :P)

The first time I started up her motor I knew I loved her. The first time I felt the pang of her being unwell (incidentally the evening I brought her hoome from the service centre) I knew I loved her. The Period of the break in when I scoured the net for info and made sure I adhered to everythng I knew I Loved Her. The first time I hit the highway on her I knew I loved her. The first time she stalled and overheated on me I knew I loved her. The first time I had a flat tyre I knew I loved her. Both times I had my accident I loved her mroe than ever cause she took the brunt and curled while i escaped virtually unscatehd. She loves me too I know it I can hear her say it in every piston pump in every  rotation in every TDC motion.

Sh rode me to Mysore and halfway multiple times it was gorgeous. She rode me to mysore on the way to Ooty on a whim at 5 in the morning without servicing without a complaint, would've taken me to Ooty but my companions heart was weak :P.

Riding her is like being on anohter planet it is another level of control altogether AND i kid you not soemtimes I am so sure she has a mind of her own steering me instead of me steering her playfully goading me to speed sternly reprimanding to slow down.

Your hind footrest maybe loose, your bend tube coloured blue, your brake lever turned downwards not to mention the slight crumpling on  your mud guard and the rust whcih I take the balme for but Goli/Dirty Sally I love you.

You're my only one and true.

My love for you is not romantic, but I can never curse you, nor ever blame you.

I would say everyone should buy a bullet, then we choudl all go on a massive roadtrip.

p.s. I spend most of my nights dreaming of her or long trips on her THAT'S how much you fall in love with this bike. Reader if in Blore beg borrow steal but get a bullet, let's go ona ride

p.p.s. poster girl...CALL me :P

The BTK Killer and Criminals

I saw this movie yesterday, The hunt for the BTK killer, which got me thinking. But before i elaborate on what I thought let me give you the facts (if you dont trust me for complete facts are available on wiki at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BTK_Killer ).

The BTK killings were a spree of killings spanning broadly 1974-91, after which there was a hiatus till about 2004 whcih is when he recommenced communicating with the police and media (he used to in his active years periodically send information about his killings to the media and/or police so as to spread terror with the signature BTK to authenticate it. He was apprehended in 2005 when he believing floppies to be untraceable decided to communicate using floppies.

BTK describes the murderer Dennis Rader's modus operandi which was basically bind, torture and kill. He reffered to his victims as "projects" and divided the individual murders into 4 phases (1) Trollin: when he roamed the streets/ neighborhoods for victims;

(2) Stalking: when he locked onto a particular victim he got to know as much as he could about her, he admitted to becoming more comfortable with the act once he knew them better

(3) Killing: which he usually did by strangulation

(4) Post killing: when he worked on spreading the information to the public via the police or media, he wrote elaborate letters enclosing personal artifacts to authenticate the claim. 

He was an average american, community college et al, with a brief stint in the air force and foreign deputations there as well and upon return working initially as a stores clerk and then getting a degree in "administration of justice" (ironically) and working as a compliance officer for the state as a dog catcher. Most interestingly he was the President of the church council at the local church. Even his wife did not realise he was the killer, she admitted (to him in fact) to have been praying for the BTK killer to have died and was shocked and expressed her fear at his return in 2004.

He had his own children, in fact he stated he resurfaced because his children had grown up and left leaving him with extra time.

All this brings me to my point...

Are killers or even criminals, necessarily as we perceive them, large types with dysfunctional lives history of substance abuse or at the very least unemployed or employed as something lowly (not that anythings lowly but arguendo). How far are we entitled to be secure in the notion that the man next door CANNOT be a criminal or a serial killer? The example of BTK would drive us to the conclusion that we are not to be secure in such notions and indeed some holier than thou type soul reading this right now would consider me naive or soemthing, but truthfully how often HAVE we been on guard in a room that was filled with people of our own "standing" in society who dressed and looked just like us? 

Which brings me to the other point of the spectrum, should we live in fear at all? Afraid of everyone in the streets of every soul rich poor old young? When will we then start living? What is this life if full of caring and looking over your shoulder?

Indeed it would seem Davies Leisure ought to now be modified to read,

What is this life so full of care

We have no safety to stand and stare

 

and perhaps end at,

A poor life this if, full of doubt,
We're ever ready to drop and shout.

Decisions...decisions.....what does one do argh!

Hmm its been a while

Its been a while since I last posted, if nothing else then in terms of what I want to do with my life. Although the civil services remains a huge option (on 360/365 days call it the aim today's one of the other 65), I thought today what is wrong with a nice cushy job at a firm, maybe do an MBA work at a bank, get married to a nice girl from Delhi (sorry other cities but Delhi's the only city with women worth calling women (not looking at you J&K/Haryana)). I mean seriously I'd have enough money to prosper if not live long who knows maybe buy a nice care with 4 rings or a 3 point star or maybe even a turning rotor. 

I see no cons, apart from the tiny detail of selling your life off and working your whole life to make someone else money, but seriously what's wrong with that I mean as long as I get my cut right? Do my altruistic tendencies come at too high a personal cost? Then again is personal cost a cost worth counting in the face of the greater good?

I dont know I like to think it's because I'm human but I find myself wondering too often why should I be the one to sacrifice? Why me? And then as if the Universe knows what I'm thinking I'll read some story about deplorable corruption or of the general suffering in society. 

Although I do not have any conclusions to this I really don't and honestly will take it as I feel like, I've planned precious little in my life till date and am not really about to start now (considering I'm doing not so bad now I'd say it works, and why fix it if it isn't broken eh?)

Truth I think is I'm not really looking for Money or cars or wealth nor am I looking for the greater good or bringing order in this anarchy we call society, and I think my motives in helping the poor are in themselves are too selfish to be called altruism really. 

Epiphanies come at the oddest of moments, that's why they're epiphanies and not thoughts :P. Today I got one watching Aisha, what I think I'm looking for is none of the above I just want love, someone who loves me, a beautiful woman I can come home to, who'll sit with me till the end of my days irrespective of what I do or how much I have but because she loves me because she still feels the way about me she did the day we first met. I know there are plenty of haters and nay-sayers out there who think this is some fairytale notion, who knows maybe it is but it IS my piece of heaven my "ideal" what I want. I will in the meanwhile however have to make do with either being well to do or being in the government helping people, finding my joy in that truthfully I'm happy with both.

So UPSC prep, here I come (please let there be cute IFS/IAS chicks Lord)

Argh! I'm 21 years old and I'm thinking of finding someone to die with... am I dying already?

So many questions no bloody answers...

Today I realised how important a role music plays in human life, there was this song I'd been searching for for about 10 odd years now which incidentally is half my life...from a tiny age it had been playing on loop in my head sometimes for days on end...hmm hm hm hm hmmm hmmm hmmm la hmm hmm hmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm...i alos realised little quests that each person knowing or unknowingly sets for oneself...today that culmianted and in the most odd of manners, not woth endless youtubing looking for old spice ads and boxers and beaches which I'd associated with the soing but while studying DPC my roomie played the osng..and i just forze I hadn't heard it in the said 10 odd years, i hesitantly asked him "George, what is that song you're playing?" and he matter of factly replied "vangelis conquest of paradise" didn't ring a bell but boy oh boy the music sure did been listening to it on loop for 20 odd mins no sign of letting up...well on to the next conquest...if only I could remember off hand what it was...

Vangelis Conquest of Paradise= Nirvana 

What a song 

What a song

What a song

What a song

What a song

What's the big idea?

I have often asked myself, why do we exist? What is the purpose? IS there a purpose? Not just humans, no, life at all…why does it exist? Is there something we don’t know? Or is it something we know but choose not to acknowledge?

I may say…I will try to answer this question…but is there a reason why I should answer the question? Many people deplore base actions, and people who choose to be content in just living their lives having a home, eating food, procreating are criticised by others when the others want them to stand up and do something. Is that “something” the purpose? Is it not just something the second person believes in.

 

We love and we hate we have emotions but why? Do emotions solve a purpose? some people say “ jasbaat ke jhaanse mein mat aao, apna kaam karo” but in not recognising our emotions are we not again reducing ourselves to the very same bare subsistence which those very same people seem to deplore? So are emotions existent only as hindrances or are they the purpose?

 

People around the world have attributed these answers to be mysteries and attributed creation of life to God, but I wish to ask, why did god do it then? Why did he create life? Was it so he could reign over something, is he/she then so base in his own motives so selfish so self obsessed? But the people who believe in him/her say he’s not then once again why? And why should the universe in which God is exist?

 

I’m told these are questions, the answer to which would serve us no purpose…but then what will? Working our asses off so we may earn so we may compete so we grow up to have families raise children who’ll do the same? Is it not possible the recognition of the reply to these questions would in fact serve us a purpose, that of giving us a purpose?

 

It is funny but its easiest to find purpose in that which is labelled as socially destructive phenomenon, for example smoking or doing drugs they serve the purpose of taking the man or woman as the case may be away from a reality that does not suit him/her helping them find clarity in understanding their issues. Violent revolutions too, have a purpose they serve to vent the peoples anger, frustration at the inability to set things right where there is most blatantly a wrong. It is a sick kind of hopelessness, which one cannot understand till one is confronted with it but I hope no one ever is.

 

Love may be seen to serve either of two purposes one is the justification offered by the base subsistence theory and the other the one offered by the emotional theory. As per the base subsistence theory love is nothing more but a series of chemical reactions set off in the body when a suitable “mate” is found with whom one may procreate. The other is the theory of emotions where love may be looked upon as a sanity keeping device in a world of insanity, its rare but when you do meet that one person everything feels perfect everything falls in place you feel a new person, but the lop side is you become dependant to the extent you cannot exist without the other.

 

But the question still remains…

WHAT IS THE PURPOSE??!!

Pain and drudgery rule the roost

Life takes a backseat ion this drive

Of pain and suffering in this hell

Where the sulphur stench rises

And so does the pain

The only thing that ebbs away

Is human moral gain

These people they walk in

Who do they think they are?

They walk in, tell us what to do

Do they realize we put them there?

Not to hurt but to teach

While the former they have mastered

The latter long forgot

Life, has forsaken me once again

Left me alone on these crossroads

Why am i to make these decisions on my own?

Visions that just scar my brain

Cancer that eats me away

I think I’m all done...all done...all done...

Blasted ideas right from my vein

Pain that helps keep me sane

Life has left me to my fate

Lying on these tracks of dates

Time just keeps passing me by

The sun just shines

Into my face

But i do not feel

its warmth... its warmth... its warmth...

We are all alone

We come alone

And go alone

Why do we crave for company then

When we know that we are so alone

Why do we then sing

Those songs of you and me

When its only you and only me

Why do we then crave

To see that face?

To know there’s someone to see us through

In any case

Why do we long then in the distance

When in fact all there is

Is the dry cold distance

Why does it perturb us then

When an instant is all it takes

To move men away

And women to say another day

THE WHORE

As I walk right through the mist

Distant faces jump out at me

Calling out to hold my hand

Seeing me and embracing me

Out of the crowd one face stands out
Not a word, nor a smile

Just a face like cold hard tile,

But in her eyes just then I saw

A look of love and of faith a look gone too soon to know

Why she looked at me so

Too soon to know why she came

Was she there or am I insane

A look of warmth like I’d never known

Who was she now, why was she there?

Why my breath did she ensnare?

And now I return back to my cave

Where love not permeates, only hate

Cold, and low, it’s freezing back there,

But, now i know i will survive

For now i know

A breath so rare

A warmth so deep, like I’d never known

Warmth so warm that’s found nowhere

I’ll come again, will you be there?